Do you ever find yourself saying yes more than you’d like to?
If you watched our video on ‘How to Stop People Pleasing’, you will understand how constantly people pleasing can end up leaving you stressed, anxious and eventually burnt out.
In today’s blog we are going to look at how people pleasing can keep you stressed out, and our three top tips to help you overcome your people-pleasing ways.
Find Out if You’re a People Pleaser
You may be wondering, “how do I know if I’m a people pleaser?”
Well, if you find yourself saying yes to most of these questions below, you might be a people pleaser.
- Do you worry about disappointing or letting others down if you say no?
- Do you over commit, promising to do more than you actually have time and energy for?
- Do you ever feel responsible for how other people feel?
- When someone asks you for a favour, do you automatically agree without questioning it? For example: You already have so much on your plate, and then your psycho boss asks you to pick up pookie wookie from the doggy bloody day spa.
- Do you apologise often?
- Do you find it hard to say no?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when someone is mad even if you know you did nothing wrong?
- Do you need constant praise to feel good?
When it comes to people pleasing you aren’t the only one. People pleasing ONLY starts to become a real problem when you always put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, compromising on YOUR needs and values.
You may be asking, “Why would someone be prone to people pleasing and saying yes all the time?”
It could be because you dislike conflict, so you go along to keep everyone else happy. Or perhaps you hold onto a belief that being a good person means you have to always help other people, at the expense of your own needs.
When you continue to people please all the time, this can end up leaving you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated and well…resentful.
It’s important to realize that your self worth isn’t based on what you do for others. Your self worth comes from within you and how you think and feel about yourself!
Three Tips to Quit Your People Pleasing Ways
If you’re sick and tired of your people pleasing ways, and ready to take responsibility and look after your own needs. Start with our top three tips below.
1. Praise Yourself Daily
Praise yourself daily, by writing down and celebrating all of the great things about yourself and what you achieved in your day.
By working on pleasing and validating yourself, your need to be validated by others will lessen – breaking you out of the vicious people pleasing cycle. Because hey at the end of the day sometimes others are impossible to please no matter what you do.
For example, you might write down: “Today I am so proud of myself because i managed to complete my work assignment a week before the due date! This is a massive achievement for me because I usually run a day or two late behind schedule.”
Some questions to ask yourself to get the ball rolling are:
What did I do well today?
What am I proud of myself for today?
What did I learn today?
This will take practice, but the more you practice, the more confident you will being to feel within yourself for yourself, needing less validation from others, because you are doing it for you!
2. Pinpoint Your Boundaries
This is a critical step in helping you to finally gain some much needed control over your life, and it makes sense right?
I mean think about it, If you don’t have clear boundaries and implement them, then you will allow others to walk all over you, leaving you once again in the people pleasing trap.
In order to pinpoint your boundaries, the first step is to write down what your boundaries could look like. This is essential because it helps you begin to feel the process of truly committing to your boundaries and owning your needs.
For example if you find yourself staying back at work every night because you can’t say no and you don’t want that. It’s time to set and implement your boundaries.
For example: The latest I will leave work is 6pm.
I will only perform duties at work for the benefit of the business, and not the personal benefit of others. AKA, taking the gluten out of a muffin.
Now that you have established what your boundary’s are, we can now move onto the next step, which is going to require you to really commit to yourself, are you ready for it? We think you are.
3. Practice Saying No
This is going to probably be the most difficult step for you especially when you are wired to saying yes all the time, but it is the most necessary.
Feeling confident when you say no is essential, otherwise you will be prone to negotiation, allowing others to turn your no into a yes which will mean you’re right back into people pleasing.
It is important to practice saying no in a way that feels ok to YOU, helping you to feel more comfortable actually saying it.
When you do come to saying no, it’s important to make sure that your answer is true and you are not lying about your answer, otherwise it will be easier for others to persuade your no into a yes because you will feel guilty.
Don’t apologise for saying no, and practice saying it so you can feel confident when the time comes to decline a request.
R: For example: No, I can’t, I am cutting back on commitments so I can focus on my health. OR
I can’t, I am cutting back on commitments so I can spend quality time with my children.
Stick to the original answer and if the other person begins to pressure you, stand your ground, stay true to you and kindly and firmly repeat your answer.
Of all the steps in our strategy this is likely going to be the most difficult, but by practicing saying no, you will become way more confident in saying no. So start today.
With more and more practice you will find yourself reducing those people pleasing tendencies, making you feel a lot happier and content at work without frustration or resentment.
Question of the Day
What boundary are you going to commit to setting for yourself at work? We want to know! Pop in the comments below.
Let us know below, or tag us on instagram, facebook or comment on our youtube video.
If you need more support in letting go of people pleasing tendencies, book in with Rachel Dhanjal here.
